Endurance and Pain as Worship

Yesterday I had had enough. I broke down over something I normally would just get a little miffed at. My mom and I talked a long time about how it wasn’t just that one thing. What it comes down to is this…

Yesterday I was defeated. I sat in a chair with my head hanging down in despondency after my mom gave me more medicine that she hoped would make me feel a little better. She slowly turned and noticed I still hadn’t looked up and tears had started running down my cheeks. She went to her knees and prayed over me that my pain would be taken and that the Lord would cover me in grace. After her prayer I looked up and told her what all was on my heart.

I’m tired of feeling thirsty… all the time.

I’m tired of chewing my food until it is basically paste so i can swallow it.

I’m tired of medicine.

I’m tired of being tired all the time.

I’m tired of being in some sort of pain somewhere 100% of the time…. Even if it is mild.

I’m tired of having to explain what happened to me when people see my feeding tube.

I’m tired of the dirty looks I get at the grocery store when I’m riding in a scooter because I physically cannot walk for more than ten minutes without my back hurting or without me getting winded and having to sit down.

I tired of my “new normal” and want to go back

I’m tired of being sick.

I had let the enemy win. My focus was not on the Lord and I was focused on how miserable I was – don’t get me wrong – I’m still pretty uncomfortable – but I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I told my mom that I didn’t understand why I had to go through this… Why do so many sad things happen to our family? We are good people. We are faithful, minister, spread the wonderful news of our Jesus, we tithe, we help those who are less fortunate when we can… Yet there are thieves and scoundrels and other people in the world who don’t know the Lord who are living in complete sin with no remorse who are happy and healthy and have wonderful and amazing lives with no sadness… It wasn’t fair in my mind.

My mom read me a Psalm that she had read to her Bible study class. You wouldn’t normally think of this Psalm as a Psalm of worship but it is a beautiful example of the importance of worshiping through trial and enduring through hardships.

 

Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.

My mom gave me permission to publish out her notes on this Psalm. She wrote it the day before my surgery.

“How long, Oh Lord, how long? You are my God, my covenant Savior, my kinsman, redeemer, my Father and my friend.

You sent the Holy Spirit to fill me with your presence and comfort

And I am so grateful.

I am also so weary.

You’ve told me to stand. I am, but the exhaustion is excruciating. I am weak beyond words. The energy to breathe fails me, much less to keep my knees from buckling. I long to dissolve, to collapse, to be carried away. I am not a victorious stander. I don’t feel like an overcomer.

Am I?

Having done all, stand.

Is there anything more in the ‘having done all’ to do?

When does the 5 o’clock whistle blow? Endurance in a pain-seeped word. Obviously ‘endurance’ implies going beyond what I perceive I am capable of. Pushing past my perceived limit means entering a lap I can’t see

Seeing the unseen is going forward in faith, how does that happen without energy?

You will give strength. How? By waiting on my part. Those that wait on the Lord renew their strength.

So, I stand, waiting on you to renew my strength to stand longer.”

My mother is a wise woman… but she is also a woman of the Lord. The Lord gives her words that she doesn’t even know how much will help those around her until the time comes.

So, my dear friends. We prayed our psalm of pain and endurance yesterday and ended with my favorite verse. This verse that has carried me through more trials than I care to remember but has never let me down or left me discouraged. I’ll leave you with this and I pray you find comfort and worship through endurance and pain.

Hebrews 12:1-2

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” 

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5 thoughts on “Endurance and Pain as Worship

  1. Oh Chesney!! What a powerful, convicting, and inspirational story you are living and sharing with us. I’m sitting at my computer weeping because of your testimony. The Lord’s using you in a supernatural way. I am praying for you daily. You are beautiful, and His grace is sufficient. His strength is made PERFECT in weakness.

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  2. Cheney,

    Your words today were just what I needed to hear, you have no idea how they ministered to my soul. Know that if nothing else, your example is inspiring and being used for God’s glory even if you don’t get to see it. Your family is such a tremendous example of God’s power by the choices you make and we love you all.

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  3. Cheney,

    You don’t know, but a friend of mine posted a link to your most recent entry; I must say that I am very humbled abs encouraged and praying for you, sweet sister. You are one brave woman and you know our Powerful God. You know Him whom you have believed, and you know He will stand upon the earth. Thank you for being real, honest (I appreciate your video from earlier in January…good to hear and see you 😉 ) And thank you for documenting how the Lord is indeed being faithful to you. I’m so proud of you, and I have never met you. Be encouraged, Chesney, that your prayers are indeed being answered–for you are impacting hundreds of people, including me.

    I will keep praying!!! Thank you again, Chesney!!

    “He knows the path that I take; and when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10!!

    Stay gold!!

    Love in Christ,
    Sharon

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  4. I so thank that you and your Mother can be together and pray together and help you endure through this phase of your surgery. Both of you are encouraging to me. I get upset and can’t keep from throwing up my hands and getting furious. Thank you for sharing your way to hang on a little longer! You and all your family are in my prayers whenever my mind takes me to you. Much love and courage! Bet Amis. (Your grandmother’s friend on Ft. worth,)

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